The funniest hotel stay experience ever!

Last month I stayed at a hotel in Bangalore. For the sake of the hotel I don't want to name them. But this stood out as the strangest hotel experience in my life. Now if this was some rat hole I wouldn't care to post but this is certainly not one of them. Here goes the story starting at check-in:

You want two identical rooms at the same rate?: I booked two identical rooms on my credit card via internet for me and my boss. At check-in my rate was different than his. Conversation between me and check-in lady..
Me: My rate is higher than what I booked on the internet. His is fine.
Her: Really? (Looks at my boss' rate info and then mine)
Her: Must be the mistake in the system. Could you provide me the confirmation email?
Me: Sure. Is there internet available here?
Her: Sure. You have to buy a coupon.
Me: But my rate was inclusive of (free) internet.
Her: Sorry cannot do anything about it. You have to buy.
After going back and forth with her and doing some simple math.
Me: Fine. Give me the coupon
Her: It will be Rs. 600.
Me: Please put it on my room tab.
Her: Sorry sir. Internet can only be paid in cash!
Me: What kind of rule is that?
Her: Sorry sir hotel policy.
Me: Fine. Here is the money.

After logging in right there in the lobby I forward her the email. We are checked in.

Non-Smoking Room
We are escorted to our room. First stop is my room. The room opens and I feel like I have ended up at a cigarette factory! Here is the conversation between me and the gentleman who escorted us.
Me: I asked for a non-smoking room with a king size bed
Him: Sir the whole hotel is non-smoking
Me: But it smells like smoke in here
Him: Sir if you want I will get you an ashtray!!!
Me: No, I want a room without the smoke smell
Him: Sir all rooms smell like this!
Me: Fine. What about the king bed? This is two double beds
Him: Sir we have given you two beds.
Me: No I want a king bed.
Him: Sir that wouldn't be possible. We don't have any
Me: But you have that on your website
Him: Sir we aren't responsible for content on the internet

You want your clothes ironed soon?
Me: Hello, is that housekeeping